Sustained in the Silence

Cultivating a quiet spirit and mind hasn’t always been at the top of my to-do list like it is now. Silence is really hard for me. I like swift answers and concrete direction. I am a reformed (ok, reforming) control freak, so you probably already know exactly what God’s up to in my life.  

Over the last year, God has graciously and patiently been showing me the rewards of keeping my eyes fixed on Him when action, emotion, and turmoil surround me. But I suspect now He’s taking me deeper. Because now things are harder. Because the new hard things really make me uncomfortable. 

Now I’m treading into the deeper waters of keeping my eyes fixed and my ear tuned when I can’t see or hear Him at all. Rather than trying to “do” and “be,” He’s got me standing, kneeling, sitting and sleeping in the same place every day – in uncertainty of what He’s doing. Trusting HIM, not what He’s doing. Seeking HIM, not His plans.

It’s soooooo much harder for me than trusting Him in chaos. Trusting him in silence is torture.

What I find myself consistently thinking about is how desperately I still need to see/feel the effects of His presence. I have a faith in Him based on swift answers and concrete direction, don’t I? Almost like I’ve made God human again.

What I’m seeking is a faith based on trust in Him as a heavenly Father, the Creator, the Author, and my Provider. Based on evidences of Him, of course, but also based on what I know His character to be through His Scriptures and my own dealings with His Spirit. 

So, I pray to be sustained through the silence. For Him to uphold me, to lead me and to guide me. For me to be ready for Him, eyes fixed and ear tuned, when He passes by me again. I pray for answers and direction, but with a heart ready to be obedient and joyful, for whatever He has in store for me next. 

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.” Ps. 130:5-6