Giving it Away

Have you struggled with this concept of giving things to God? I have. I still do, but, he’s cracked the door just a little so I can understand better. I hold on to the things of this world very tightly, much more than I ever realized, until I got married. Fear, worry, anxiety – these made me feel alive. Like I mattered. Like my life was important. I’ve learned very quickly though that there isn’t room in my marriage for me, Noel and all my baggage. Part – a big part – of my baggage was a disguised love of self. Or, a deep insecure feeling that I don’t really matter. Because if I’m not constantly pissed off about something, or worried about something that did or didn’t happen, what is the weight of my life?

With marriage, I am learning the weight of my life, and it is all wrapped up in Jesus. The amazing thing about Jesus is that he looks at my life, the sinful baggage, and says, “You matter without all that. You matter just as you are, just as I made you, because I made you matter.” So, slowly, I am learning to give the baggage away, because I don’t “need” it anymore. I don’t need to worry about plans because even with nothing on my calendar, I matter to the Lord. I don’t fear boredom, I don’t fear awkwardness, because these have been given to the Lord so that I’m freed to be more like Him or to be used by Him. Or, more pertinently, I do not have to try to control Noel because my plans, my anxieties, my disappointments can be given to the Lord, and he will return to me His peace. What a great exchange – a holy exchange, an undeserved exchange!

If you've struggled, or if you do struggle, I urge you to pray that God would show you how to see beyond your baggage, to the other side where he is offering you a safe place to stay. He'll even help you learn to lay it down and walk away, so He can take the burden from you. Pray for His love to guide you, and if there's one thing I'm learning, it's that His love, His good gifts, he loves to give them away.