Anxiety

I go through bouts of anxiety. Not sure if they are legit panic attacks, or if they are just my version of being overwhelmed, but they are scary in my spirit.

Quickening of the heart, unstoppable thoughts, restlessness.

My defense mechanism used to be pouring into myself. I just need to go for a walk. I just need to take some breaths. I just need an afternoon off.

Now, I’m learning, the symptoms need to be taken immediately to the Healer. Anxiety about work is not really about work. I don’t always know for sure what it’s about, but I have no doubt it’s deeper/wider than just my 8-5. I cannot heal myself, especially when it comes to heart issues. Walks, breaths and vacation do not heal heart issues. Jesus does.

And it’s hard to press in rather than avoid! It’s easier to focus on myself, have positive self-talk, let the tendencies subside. But the issue – the real heart wrinkle - isn’t ironed out unless I let go (yes, I hear you – let go, and let’s finish it – let God). It’s no longer good enough for me to let the anxious moments pass. Letting them pass is like giving them a pass to return again, whenever they want. I am at Step 1 of having a real faith in the Lord, but I’m learning there is no sin that automatically gets a pass in my life. All of it can be released when I choose the harder work of pressing in to let go.